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Monthly Archive for January, 2013

Heavenly Benefits

GIDEON: Daddy, I used to think heaven was in the clouds, but know I know better. ME: Oh? And where is heaven? GIDEON: In the stars. ME: Some people think that. Some people think heaven is all around us too, just invisible. GIDEON: Oh, what would be SO AWESOME. ME: Because you could see your […]

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Gideon’s View on Baptism

(During communion) GIDEON (Age 6): Mommy, I want some communion cracker. KIM: No, you can’t have any. It’s only for people who have been baptized. GIDEON: But you haven’t been baptized. KIM: Yes, I have. GIDEON: (Very confused) But you couldn’t have been baptized. KIM: Why do you think that? GIDEON: Because you’re not dead. […]

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Fat Daddy

GIDEON (Age 6): Daddy, when you die, I’m going to save all your fat. ME: Why in the world would you save my fat? GIDEON: I’m going to sell it! ME: Who in the world would want to buy my fat? GIDEON: The gym. ME: Why in the world would the gym want to buy […]

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Gideon is Smart

GIDEON: (Mumbles something no one can hear?) AMILIA: What did you say?  couldn’t understand you. GIDEON: If you can’t understand me, the you must not be smart. I’m smart, so everything I say is smart.  

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A Mini Discourse

AMILIA: Daddy, what’s the smallest car in the world? GIDEON: Oh, I know! A mini-van! ME: A mini-van? Why do you say a mini-van? GIDEON: Since it has the word mini in it, it must be made for mini-people!

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Noah Webster on the 2nd Amendment

As Noah Webster explained, the whole purpose of the Second Amendment is that so, if ever needed, we the people can protect ourselves against our own government. It is not up to the president to restrict that right, and it gravely concerns when one does, regardless of how noble his intentions might be.

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I Knowed That

AMILIA: Gideon, did you know milk came from cows? GIDEON: I knowed that. ME: That’s Knew. GIDEON: What’s new? ME: No. Not knowed. Knew. Like, “I KNEW that.” GIDEON: I knewed that! ME: No, not knewed. Knew. GIDEON: Oh, yea, right! I knowed that.

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GIDEON (Age 6): Daddy, what if rain were really tears? ME: Who could cry that much? GIDEON: George Washington, Ben Franklin, The Hulk, the guy wearing the peanut suit, and people who work at Wal-Mart. ME: Why would George Washington and Ben Franklin cry? GIDEON: Because they’re not president anymore. Mr. Obama is. ME: Why […]

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Suck Frogs!

GIDEON (Age 6): Daddy, no matter what school says, they can’t make me suck frogs! ME: Huh? GIDEON: Sissy says when I’m in 6th grade, the school makes you suck frogs! AMILIA: DISSECT, Gideon! I said DISSECT! GIDEON: Oh!… What does that mean? ME: It means you cut frogs open to look their lungs, guts, hearts, […]

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Tic-Tac-DOH!

(Gideon is playing tic-tac-toe by himself.) ME: Gideon, do you want me to play tic-tac-toe with you? GIDEON: No, thanks. I’m playing by myself. ME: Well, at least you can’t lose what way. GIDEON: Actually, I did lose. ME: How did you lose playing against yourself? GIDEON: I outsmarted myself. See? Well, at least he […]

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