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Category Archive for 'Amilia & Gideon Quotes'

Dog Bong

GIDEON: Daddy, the dog needs a bong. ME: Huh? GIDEON: I think the dog needs a bong. ME: You do, huh? Why do you think that? GIDEON: He’s chewing on stuff. He needs a bong to calm down. AMILIA: Kong, Gideon! It’s called a Kong! Thank goodness that living with that boy for 9-years has […]

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Dictator

GIDEON: Daddy, is North Korea run by a dictator? ME: Yes. GIDEON: What does he do to his enemies? ME: Like if someone speaks out against him, he makes them dig holes and break rocks. GIDEON: What a waste! I can’t believe that. ME: I know, right? GIDEON: Yea! That dirt and those rocks could […]

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Nurse Maid

(Amilia is helping Gideon with his homework) AMILIA: Gideon, pay attention! Stop goofing off and answer this question! GIDEON: Amilia, you shouldn’t be so mean to me. Try nursing me instead. AMILIA: Huh? What are you talking about? GIDEON: You know, instead of being mean to me, you should be kind, and polite, and patience. […]

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GIDEON: Daddy, don’t get mad, but I failed an assignment today at school. ME: What did you fail? GIDEON: A word association test. ME: How do you fail a word association test? GIDEON: Well, the teacher said, “Winter,” and I said “Dead Pool.” ME: Dead Pool? Why did you say, “Dead Pool.”? GIDEON: Because when […]

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Butter Sock

GIDEON: Daddy, can I pour milk in a sock? ME: No. And why would you want to do that? GIDEON: So I can shake the sock full of milk and make butter. ME: And why would you want to do that? GIDEON: So I can make a butter sock. ME: And why do you want […]

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Tonight’s Gideonisms

#1 Yesterweek: Refers to last week like yesterday refers to last night. “Daddy, I hurt my leg yesterweek.” #2 “Candy is dandy, but fruit makes you poop!” (I think he was channeling Ogden Nash on that one.)

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Seedless

GIDEON (AGE 8): Daddy, I love these seedless oranges. ME: I’m glad to hear that. But I have a question for you: Where do plants come from? GIDEON: Seeds? ME: Right! So if oranges are seedless, how do you get more oranges if there are no seeds to plant? GIDEON: Simple. You just go to […]

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Baby Sitting

GIDEON (AGE 8): Daddy, why are people who take care of babies called baby sitters if they don’t sit on babies? ME: Hmmm. . . That’s a good question. I don’t know. What do you think? GIDEON: I think they must have sat on babies in the old days.

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Drivers’ Ed.

GIDEON (Age 8): Daddy, when can I start driving? ME: After you take Driver’s Ed. GIDEON: But that happens if he dies? ME: If who dies? GIDEON: Ed. ME: Who’s Ed? GIDEON: Driver’s Ed. ME: Do you know what Driver’s Ed is? GIDEON: Yea, he’s a really famous guy who teaches kids how to drive!

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Loud Talker

(Amilia and Gideon are both sick) GIDEON (Age 8): Amilia, how are you feeling? AMILIA: Shhh…! Gideon do you have to talk so loud? I have a headache. GIDEON: What? That’s just the way I talk, I can’t help it. ME: Yea, Gideon is just a loud talker. There’s nothing wrong with that. GIDEON: Unless […]

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