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You’re a Rhino!

ME: Hey, Gideon! How are you feeling? What did the doctor say?

GIDEON: He said I was a rhinoceros.

ME: Huh?

KIM: The doctor said he has the rhinovirus.

Lucky Save

GIDEON (AGE 8): Daddy, is it true that you didn’t die because you got really lucky?

ME: Yes. It was a close call, but I’m OK now.

GIDEON: I got lucky too.

ME: Awww. . . That’s sweet, you would have missed me, huh?

GIDEON: Well, it’s just that I didn’t want to go to a really long, boring funeral.

If I were a Rich Man

GIDEON (Age 8): Amilia, when you get married, will you please makes sure he’s rich so I can live with you and never have to work?
AMILIA (Age 12): Gideon, money doesn’t matter. It’s what’s on the inside that counts.
GIDEON: OK. Can you take an x-ray and make sure he is full of money before you get married?

Bob Smiley

Gideon may have had a defining moment tonight when he met comedian Bob Smiley. I think he gave Bob some pointers.

20150429-BobSmiley-0001 20150429-BobSmiley-0002A


Leonardo Stradivarius was a very important person in history. He served under General George Washington and did a self-portrait of him called the Mona Pizza. Leonardo then became one of the founding fathers along with George Washington and Benjamin Franklin.

Avocados come from Guacamole.

Bad to the Bone

GIDEON (AGE 8): Daddy, I think I’m a genius.

ME: Really? And what are you basing that on?

GIDEON: Well, you know that sciencey guy? Uh . . . what’s his name?

ME: Albert Einstein?

GIDEON: Yea, him! Well, you know how he was bad at school? Well, I’m even badder at school than he was, so that must mean I’m smarter than him.

ME: Not badder, worse.


ME: You said you were badder at school than him. The word is worse, not badder.

GIDEON: Oh! Wow! I’m even smarter than I thought!

Super Gideon!

GIDEON: Daddy, when I grow up, I want to be a superhero! Do you know why?

ME: Because you want to help people?

GIDEON? What? No! Because I want to wear my underwear over my pants!

Sharing is Caring

GIDEON: Daddy, can we go to Chick-Fil-A? We can share a Frosted Lemonade.

ME: Hmmmm . . . OK, sounds good!

GIDEON: Daddy, I love to share. Do you know why?

ME: Because “sharing is caring?”

GIDEON: Huh? What? No! It’s because when the other person isn’t looking you can eat or drink what you’re sharing all up, then you can blame the other person!

Wise Guy

GIDEON: Daddy, for a quarter, I’ll give you a wise saying.

ME: Hmmmm . . . OK. Here’s a quarter. What’s the wise saying?

GIDEON: “A fool and his money are soon parted.”

Toes Intolerant

GIDEON (Age 8): Daddy, why don’t like black toes?
ME: Huh? What are you talking about?
GIDEON: Mommy said you don’t like black toes.
ME: Huh? What did she say exactly?
GIDEON: She said you were black toes intolerant.
ME: LACTOSE INTOLERANT, Gideon! Lactose intolerant!

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